it is hard to believe it has been nearly 6 weeks since I last posted here. i have thought a lot about why...no time, the crazy of the holidays, that i dont feel like i need this place as much as i once did. it is probably all of those things equally with a little bit of "things are kind of normal and good right now".
we had a great christmas and new years spent with family, old friends and new. christmas eve was as usual very special and chaotic and just happy. we celebrate here at our house as we have for the past who knows how many years. it is a nod to my parents-we always hosted christmas eve and my parents were always happy and there was a lot of laughing and great food and fun. it has been that way here at our cozy home for years and i love it. we have done many different meals but this year was the most fun i think. cracked crab, ham, salad and many yummy apps. my kids have 4 cousins to join them and run around like animals and its just the best.
new years eve we spent with some newer friends in the neighborhood (ok, fine the neighborhood we WANT to be in). more crab, yummy apps and lots of laughs. this past year has been a good one for friends. holding on to the amazing friendships we have made over the last 10 years of our marriage (and 14 years of dating) and now getting to know some of the most down to earth and fun families through Nolan, kindergarten and also Avery. It is so great to meet women at this age. Even though I still feel like I might blow it and they will see through me and realize Im not as awesome as I want to be-Im comfortable knowing that the me they are meeting is really the true me.
we have taken Avery more places this year than ever. she loves it. we do too. we took the kids to a japanese place here in town recently and it was a huge success. Red took Avery outside once because she got a little loud and the manager came over to me and said "dont worry! its ok!" -and he was right. we ordered Nolan some ice cream and the waitress asked if she should bring two-we said one is fine. She brought two anyway. Those tiny gestures are so huge to our family. they give us the courage to get out and do it again.
We changed up Avery's meds early December. She was weaned off Lexapro and started her on Buspar. We have noticed a major change. She has her moments-but she is no where near as loud as she was. This has made so many things so much easier for us as a family. I took the kids to the grocery store this evening and she yelled a couple times but other than that, I looked just like every other mom with two rowdy kids in tow. in fact, Nolan was way more obnoxious that Avery was.
I have started calling her "sweet sweet". i dont know when that started, but i know its because im seeing more of my sweet, smiley girl. there are more moments of me looking at her with a smile and reaching over to touch her face now-compared to before, in the dark days when i was gritting my teeth and taking her to her room.
more seasoned moms had told me this day would come-and while it is still really hard and trying and stressful-we are good right now.
Nolan is giving us a run for our money. still. it has been wonderful to see his academic growth since september. he can sort of read. he can do some math. but he cannot listen, is willful and spirited. its hard right now, but i think he will turn out just fine. (fingers crossed). he is equal parts wanting to help and pushing our buttons. he loves his sissy and i love my Nolan and mom time when it is quiet and snuggly and he says i love you mommy and i say love you nolan and i realize this wont last forever.
i didnt make any resolutions this year but I have given my self some goals. to just BE. to GIVE more. to be a better FRIEND, WIFE and MOM. its a new year, indeed.