Monday, February 18, 2013

seems like forever ago...and just yesterday.

seems like forever ago...and just yesterday.  that was my brother's comment when I posted on his facebook page today that tomorrow our mom will have been gone for 6 years.  he nailed it.

6 years is a long time.  so so much has happened in the last 6 years.  for starters, Avery was only 8 months old when my mom died. 8 months. just a fat happy baby. we had our second child who will be starting transitional kindergarten in August. we had Rett syndrome enter our lives, I have found my place in the working world and have become a runner.  So much has changed.  But it certainly does still feel like yesterday.

Sometimes I still cant believe that she is gone.  Red asked me the other day how often I think about her and I told him every single day.  and thats the truth.  I literally think about her EVERY day. mostly it is a fleeting thought and other times its a punch in the stomach.  Usually it is something bittersweet like when I was watching Les Miserables (the movie) recently and I knew how much she would have loved it and how she would have called me to tell me about it before I ever saw the trailer and she would have seen it way before I had a chance to and would have said "Oh Erica, you HAVE to see this film!" I miss talking to her about that stuff.

 I do feel like she is with me.  I see her in myself and in my kids. Avery reminds me so much of her not only in appearance but in her mannerisms. She walks with a purpose sometimes that only my mom had. She even has the same hairline.

The other day I was looking for some old bill or statement and came across all the sympathy cards we received when she passed.  I kept them all.  I started reading them and 45 minutes laster sat there with a smile in a puddle of tears. it is so clear from reading those notes that she was so loved, respected, admired and appreciated.  she lived a wonderful life despite all the hardships she had growing up. she was a wonderful mom and I am so grateful that she was mine. i miss her.

1 comment:

rr said...

This made me tear up, I think mostly because you (we) are not old enough to be mom-less, and I know there have been so many times in the past 6 years that I absolutely needed my mom. I'm sorry you lost her way too soon.