challenging

i challenged myself today.  i went to a 10K, a trail run, alone. it was my first 10k and my first race in over 5 years.

i knew it would be "hilly".  i knew it would be tough. i did NOT know the first 1.5 miles would be uphill.  and rocky. and that by minute 2 i would be out of breath.

the map they had for the course said things like "uphill" and "roller coaster" and i got nervous.  they were announcing things like "watch out for rocks, tree roots and cracks", "try not to fall" and i got even more nervous.

then it started and i was soon left in the back of the pack.  actually just in the back. panting. wanting to turn around.  wishing i had signed up for the 5k. thinking about how much harder the half marathon will be in just 6 short weeks.

but then i thought about why im running.  im running so i can do the boston marathon IF i get a bib.  im running because avery can't. avery actually is able to run and we are lucky for that-but she will never run a race. so i think about that. and how hard it is for her on a daily basis just to communicate her most basic needs and  i push forward.

sure i walked a few times.  very briefly.

by mile 3, halfway in, i felt better.  i felt motivated. i was in my stride. i knew i wasnt last, i had even passed a couple people.

the last mile and a half was almost all downhill or flat.  i crushed that part.  was flying-almost fast enough to really get hurt on those rocks and roots.  but i made it.  it was a gorgeous run.  fog, sun, forest, mountains, views.  gorgeous.

some jerk guy who i totally had beat came out of nowhere and beat me to the finish line, but still there were about 10-15 people behind me. sure one was a 70 year old man but i wasnt last.

i felt great when it was over, i texted red and the kids to come pick me up and cooled down as i waited.

i could hear the results being announced and though i dont know my "official" time just yet-the winner in my age division (30-39) beat me by at least 20 minutes. probably some young 30 year old.