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Saturday, February 18, 2012

my way

 Mommy-tomorrow you will have been gone for five long years. five years. so much you have missed.  so much we have missed without you.  when david and i were planning your service i had little cards made with a gorgeous photo of you laughing at my wedding.  at the bottom of the photo i had the words "I did it my way"-because you loved Frank Sinatra and it was true-you did. so, because it's late, Ill just print the lyrics to that famous sinatra song that truly does sum you up. you lived an incredibly full life despite a few regrets, and always did it on your terms...we miss you terribly.

 My Way


And now, the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full.

I've traveled each and ev'ry highway;
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;

But then again, too few to mention.
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption.

I planned each charted course;

Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew

When I bit off more than I could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood tall;
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.

I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;

And may I say - not in a shy way,
"No, oh no not me,
I did it my way".

For what is a man, what has he got?

If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!

Friday, February 17, 2012

Sip & Support!

Katie's Clinic is lucky to have some great friends who think outside the box.  Katie Shaffer, of Toolbox Wine Co. (founded and run by women!) is doing a very special thing-offering a huge discount on cases of wine- her 2007 Napa Valley Merlot (Mi-anti) and her 2008 Dry Creek Valley Sauvignon Blanc-for $100 per case ($192 regular price).  This includes FREE shipping to CA, NV and AZ -PLUS-she will donate $10 per case to Katie's Clinic!  Check the website for more info and how to order HERE!!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

too much to say that nothing comes out

I can't tell you how many times I have opened up the "write a new post" section of my blog and then just sat there and looked and...nothing.
usually that means I have too much to say and cannot formulate anything cohesive enough for a post. It has almost been a month since I posted last and I have had several ideas for great posts but just never put them down. Im trying to come up with some cool way to convey it all and I just cant.  Im tired.  So it's time for a list.  Here are the highlights-or lowlights-of the last 3-4 weeks:
  • attended a great girls night dinner for one of my best friends-we ended up making it kind of a late night and I loved every minute of it.  Girls took cabs home.  It was an epic Wednesday night.
  • the following night I attended my monthly book club-you know the book club that started off with books but now 9 or so years later we just like to hang out and eat good food and drink good wine.  I love these girls and every moment I get to spend with them.
  • Took BART to the city to have dinner with Red's brother and his girlfriend at her awesome place.  We had a great meal and a great time.
  • Went for an overnight trip with Red just north of San Francisco and had a blast.  I love those times.  Necessary.
  • Got into it with the AAC specialist about getting this eye gaze stuff moving forward.  I yelled and then cried and then cried again.  We should have a device if all goes according to plan, by early summer.  Keep your fingers crossed.
  • The following week I hopped on a plane headed to North Carolina.  A really good friend of mine got married and I wasnt going to miss it. I traveled with two other girls that I had the best time with.  We flew together and roomed together and it was so much fun.  The wedding was beautiful and so was Chapel Hill.  
  • Finished an awesome book "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks" on the flight home. Part of the true story tells about Henrietta's young daughter who was committed to a hospital for the "negro insane".  She had epilepsy and did not speak-she also had repetitive hand mouthing stereotypies. (I am convinced she had Rett syndrome-but this was back in the late 40's early 50's when they didnt know about Rett...or disability really.)  She was sent to this awful place.  It was heart wrenching to read about the conditions there and the medical experiments they did on these poor children.  She was there from age 5 until her death at age 15. My heart was breaking and it made me think how lucky Avery is to be with us, in this time. But, it also made me think about how much better I can do for her.  How I can't take my frustrations out on her about things she has no control over.  It was a major revelation for me.  I told Avery I would do better.  I have apologized to her countless times before-and I know she understood me because we had a fantastic week together after that.  It is still hard for me-but Im trying my best.  It is hard for me to admit that I struggle so much with the grinding and hand slapping and yelling and screeching.  But I do.  Im working on it, every day.
  • We had dinner with Red's aunt and uncle who are like my second parents (I have known them since I was three) and we had a wonderful time catching up with them-as well as a wonderful dinner. So thankful to have them in my life!
  • Attended a Fashion for Compassion Event a Nordstrom -a champagne buffet breakfast/fashion show and personla styling event.  It was really cool! And the best part-proceeds went to Katie's Clinic.  
  • Avery had two great hippotherpay sessions in a row.  We switched horses-now she is riding Annie and I think she really clicks with her.  She giggled through both sessions! 
  • Nolan had an awesome playdate with Barb, her friend Carole and Carole's grand daughter Olivia! They too BART to SF and had a lunch/park date!  So fun!
  • Superbowl sunday was so much fun. Went to a great party with great friends and I drank a great amount of alcohol.  I got a little out of hand but nothing too embarrassing. 
  • I am feeling increasingly amazed and lucky that I have such a wonderful job.  Being at Katie's clinic really is a dream job for me.  I love seeing the families transform from morning to afternoon.  You can almost see a calm come over them-or a release-or relief.  I remember feeling it myself.  I think we can say we are unique in the fact that families almost always ask: "So, when do we GET to come back?".  We are doing a good thing.  A very good thing and Im seriously honored to be a part of it.  When people ask me "how is work?" I can honestly say "I LOVE IT".
  • And all the while, Nolan has been keeping us laughing with his funny sayings and dance moves.
That's all for now.