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Sunday, December 11, 2011

crying it out

It's been one of those days where I have been on the verge of tears all day long. And I have a headache from not letting it all flood out.  First it was being in Toys R Us trying to find some presents for the kids for christmas.  Everywhere I looked I saw things for Nolan, but nothing for Avery.  Then I found myself in the barbie/dressup/all things little girls love aisle and had to fight back the tears.  It is hard not to try to imagine what Avery would be asking for if she could ask-or even play with toys.

Then I had good tears when I heard the gender of our beloved sitters baby-It's a GIRL.  But then you know that causes me stress as well.  Im always afraid of that Rett monster showing up in someone elses baby.  I know its silly but, the way it is. 

Then this afternoon, after I heard the news that a young local woman with Rett had been taken off a ventilator after nearly three weeks in a medically induced coma for uncontrolled seizures, had passed away-I read a message her father posted to our online listserv and I just lost it.  But again, had to stifle the cry a bit because I was feeding the kids. 

Plus you can add in all the status updates lately about girls seizing so badly they vomit, turn blue and/or stop breathing.

So I have this headache.  The kind I know too well.  The kind that reminds me Im due for a good curl up and cry session. Kind of feels like the walls are caving in. It's just all a little much.  

Time to cry it out.

3 comments:

mj said...

i miss you.

Tanis said...

I had the same sort of almost meltdown in Toys'r'us last week. It's so hard some days.

michelle said...

Thank you for your open and honest feelings about the struggles you go through. It helps me to realize that I am not alone in this journey. I often get sad about 20 times during the day. Almost anything and nothing will set me off crying. It is so hard, and it is so sad. It is so painful. I will be praying for you and your family. Hang in there and thank you for your posts.