There are just some days when I cannot handle much. Today I have been thinking about making a deal with the devil-and all I really want him to do is make Avery stop grinding her teeth. He doesnt even have to cure her, just make her stop grinding. Ill grow red horns and a tail and live with that the rest of my life. just. stop. grinding. your. teeth.
I have written about this before. Its the sound, coupled with the fact that I literally have super sonic hearing and am unable to tune anything out (except maybe Sports Center). It provokes a physiological response in me and I get mad at her, sometimes yell (ok, most times) at her to STOP. Even Nolan says it now. "Sissy, stop grinding!"-but he is much sweeter about it because thankfully I dont think he got the "can't stand annoying little noises/hears everything gene".
So by the time bath rolled around tonight, I was so wound up that I had gotten Avery a little upset as well. When she is anxious she hand mouths like crazy (she does it anyway-but it can get really bad). So in the bath, once I got her braces off-the hands went right in the mouth and out went that loose tooth. I didnt even notice. Till she cried. Then floodgates. Mine, not hers.
I still can't believe that I cant take the sound of her grinding. I suppose I still cant believe this is happening to our family. To Avery. To any kid. Any family. Not a single one of us deserves it. And then I think why her, why us, why ANYONE? And then I remember that it could be a LOT worse-and it is for many many people. And that just makes me feel so small.
I can't believe that I can sob like that in front of my children. And that my 2 year old has to say things like "you happy mommy?", and "dont be sad".
I apologized to Avery as she drifted off to sleep. while grinding her teeth.