Avery is now missing three teeth. The milestone was lost, however, on the fact that she is also missing 23 nucleotides on her MECP2 gene. Even though Im still not sure if that tooth would have fallen out on its own or if it is due to her grinding, or a fall. Maybe the dentist tomorrow will have some insight?
There are just some days when I cannot handle much. Today I have been thinking about making a deal with the devil-and all I really want him to do is make Avery stop grinding her teeth. He doesnt even have to cure her, just make her stop grinding. Ill grow red horns and a tail and live with that the rest of my life. just. stop. grinding. your. teeth.
I have written about this before. Its the sound, coupled with the fact that I literally have super sonic hearing and am unable to tune anything out (except maybe Sports Center). It provokes a physiological response in me and I get mad at her, sometimes yell (ok, most times) at her to STOP. Even Nolan says it now. "Sissy, stop grinding!"-but he is much sweeter about it because thankfully I dont think he got the "can't stand annoying little noises/hears everything gene".
So by the time bath rolled around tonight, I was so wound up that I had gotten Avery a little upset as well. When she is anxious she hand mouths like crazy (she does it anyway-but it can get really bad). So in the bath, once I got her braces off-the hands went right in the mouth and out went that loose tooth. I didnt even notice. Till she cried. Then floodgates. Mine, not hers.
I still can't believe that I cant take the sound of her grinding. I suppose I still cant believe this is happening to our family. To Avery. To any kid. Any family. Not a single one of us deserves it. And then I think why her, why us, why ANYONE? And then I remember that it could be a LOT worse-and it is for many many people. And that just makes me feel so small.
I can't believe that I can sob like that in front of my children. And that my 2 year old has to say things like "you happy mommy?", and "dont be sad".
I apologized to Avery as she drifted off to sleep. while grinding her teeth.