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Friday, February 18, 2011

dear mommy

mom,

When you passed away, I was a new mom. Brand new. I had a perfectly healthy, 7 month old, chubby baby girl who you got to meet. You were there the day she was born. Three and a half months later you saw her again for what would be the last time. I had no questions then about what it was to be a mom. I knew it all. It was easy. I had recently decided to be a stay at home mom and was loving it all.
But, its been four years and a lot has changed. the novelty of being a stay at home mom has sort of faded. Of course I still enjoy it, but now there are two children-and extra issues.
I have been lucky, because of Avery's diagnosis, to have found so many other moms that have helped me so much in parenting her. But, no one is here to tell me what I want to know the most. How was it for you? What did you do with your time? Did you play with us (me and my older brother Dave)? Did we drive you totally nuts? Did you have a group of girlfriends you could turn to? What kinds of things did you and dad do for fun? What did you guys talk about? Laugh about?
Last night, I was looking for my cuticle trimmer in my nightstand drawer. A photo of you and Dad caught my eye. The date on the back was 1978. You were laughing and Dad was looking serious. I think it was Easter. You were sporting the Dorothy Hamill hairdo. Dad was wearing the gray hair well. You were just about to be 35, Dad had just turned 40*. Kind of strange because Dave is now 41 and I am 36...makes me realize just how much time we have left-even if life is cut short like it was for both of you.
Anyway. Im doing the best I can here without you and I suppose you know that. But I sure wish I could just sit down with you and ask you all those questions. And there is a lot more I want to tell you and thank you for-I really miss you. We will be raising a glass of fine vodka to you tomorrow night.
love
E

*Thank you google, Easter fell on 3/26 in 1978.

4 comments:

Sheri Marie said...

love you erica bessey...and i loved your mom...she was an awesome, awesome, awesome lady...still see her everywhere i go...love you nancy bessey

Robin said...

What a beautiful letter to your mom. While reading it the tears started to roll down my cheeks.....your words hit home. My mom passed away when I was 18. After Lindsay was born I had so many questions that I wanted to ask her and special times that I wanted to share with her. Your mom would be so proud of how you've forged ahead and taken a "take charge" attitude.

mj said...

xoxo.

Kim said...

((((hugs)))