Thursday, August 12, 2010

so many feelings

Im packing for a trip I shouldn't have to go on. A trip I got organized with a bunch of awesome moms. Moms who also have a daughter with Rett. We should never have met. We wouldn't have. But we did. Some of them I have met in person. Some I have only met online. They are all amazing and inspirational and will be my friends forever because of our common denominator. I can't wait to have all of us together but at the same time have such a lump in my throat thinking of the reason why we are taking this trip.
Being a parent is REALLY HARD. For anyone. But when you have a child with special needs (or more than one child with special needs as a couple moms in this group do) it is a ton harder. Sure we have all kinds of "perspective" and can feel such highs because we feel such lows-but you know what? I'd rather be ignorant to all of this. I'd rather have Avery's MECP2 gene have all its parts.
It's hard to tell how I should feel about the trip to Vegas. I cannot wait to get back there. I havent been since my bachelorette party-such a different occasion. Do I want to forget that we all have a daughter with Rett? Do I want to just have fun with these fabulous ladies? Or do I want to lean on them and share with them and cry with them and just feel "normal"? I guess I will have to do both.
Today was just one of those days where it was smacking me in the face nearly every hour that my kid was different. I just long to know what our lives would have been like. So, Im in a weird place. But grateful to be going on this trip-even though I shouldn't need it. But I do! So Vegas here I come-WATCH OUT!!


Colleen said...

Well said my friend. I was sitting at dinner thinking how much fun Claire would be if she could be herself. I just figure I can't change it, so I will go to Vegas and live it up with people who get it.

Kelly said...

SOOOO glad you organized the was super fantastic....and the perfevt blend of tear, support, and FUN!!!