so many feelings

Im packing for a trip I shouldn't have to go on. A trip I got organized with a bunch of awesome moms. Moms who also have a daughter with Rett. We should never have met. We wouldn't have. But we did. Some of them I have met in person. Some I have only met online. They are all amazing and inspirational and will be my friends forever because of our common denominator. I can't wait to have all of us together but at the same time have such a lump in my throat thinking of the reason why we are taking this trip.

Being a parent is REALLY HARD. For anyone. But when you have a child with special needs (or more than one child with special needs as a couple moms in this group do) it is a ton harder. Sure we have all kinds of "perspective" and can feel such highs because we feel such lows-but you know what? I'd rather be ignorant to all of this. I'd rather have Avery's MECP2 gene have all its parts.

It's hard to tell how I should feel about the trip to Vegas. I cannot wait to get back there. I havent been since my bachelorette party-such a different occasion. Do I want to forget that we all have a daughter with Rett? Do I want to just have fun with these fabulous ladies? Or do I want to lean on them and share with them and cry with them and just feel "normal"? I guess I will have to do both.

Today was just one of those days where it was smacking me in the face nearly every hour that my kid was different. I just long to know what our lives would have been like. So, Im in a weird place. But grateful to be going on this trip-even though I shouldn't need it. But I do! So Vegas here I come-WATCH OUT!!