Friday, February 19, 2010

Three years

Mom at about age 4 or 5 (looks so much like Avery)
Three years it has been since ALS took my mommy from us. It amazes me that all that time has passed and if I start to think about all she has missed I get really sad. She got to meet Avery but never had to worry about her delays and for that I am thankful. She would have driven herself (and the rest of us) crazy getting the "best" doctors on the case! That was how she was. Always wanted the best of the best. And thinking of that makes me smile. But I cant help but cry that she didnt get to know our special little Avery and never even got to meet Nolan. There is just something that is so not ok about that for me.
Im still working out what I believe about heaven and God and all that important stuff and I do believe she is always with me. But I dont want her just in spirit, I want her for real. I want her back, I want her advice and I want to be able to call her and ask her all the stupid little questions I never really asked her about her life.
It wasn't easy being her daughter-we were so alike (which I never would have admitted before) that we butted heads a lot. Boy did we argue over my wedding plans! But I know now that all that "control" she wanted over all things relating to my life was just her way of helping me be the best and to have the best there was. She worked so hard and came from nothing so it makes sense that she would have wanted nothing less than the best for her kids. She did anything she could for us. All because she loved us so much. And even through the arguments and bickering, and the "are you sure you are going to wear that" comments, I always felt the love.
She loved everyone and everyone loved her. What more could you want from life? That is the BEST.
Miss you mom.


David Bessey said...

Nice Erica.

Lindsay said...

Your mom would be so proud of you & your constant drive for the 'best of the best' for Avery & Nolan. I'm sending you lots of hugs from SoCal. I love you E!

cassandra said...

I remember your mom from when I was little, and big for that matter. When I was little, I remember she always looked so stylish.
She was such a classy, smart person.

I remember at your wedding, we were in the bathroom, and I said, "Erica looks great!"

She said to me, Yes she does, she looks beautiful, perfect."

And, I said to her, yes she does :)

Erica said...

aww, thanks guys!! xoox

Owen's Mom said...

Holy Crap! Avery looks so much like her..